Dear Me

Dear Me,

We’ve been friends a long time. I know every thought you’ve had and have experienced your times of heartbreak and your times of joy. You were there during that time I decided to talk about her behind her back. You were the one who told me to sleep with him. You placed a mirror in front of me and told me to never look away.

I’ve watched you grow into quite a woman. You’re impulsive and emotional. You want to help bring out the best in people, yet you don’t let others see your best.

Me, you were the one that told me to guard myself. You told me to not let anyone see who I really am. I recall you saying, “the best way for you to not get hurt is to build a wall and don’t let anyone knock it down.” I remember the vow we made together — the pact we promised as a team we wouldn’t break.

After spending time looking back on our friendship, I think it’s best for us to part ways. You’ve been a loyal friend, always there when you convinced me no one else was. You helped me process the many situations I’ve faced in life. But you’ve also gotten me into quite a bit of trouble. There were many times (especially lately) when I was in certain situations and all I thought about was you.  I wondered what Me would do and what Me would say. I do everything I can to make you happy. Honestly, I’m tired. I’m done with only trying to make you happy, Me.

It’s time to say goodbye.

I met Someone. He’s been telling me that our friendship is toxic. He told me if I keep striving to do everything I can to satisfy you, I’m going to end up lonely. He told me I had to choose — keep living up to your standards, or live by His.  Me, I can’t keep living this double life trying to keep your friendship while trying to maintain my friendship with Him.

I’m done with living life at your standards, Me. I’m done with trying to make you happy before anyone else. Most of all, I’m breaking our agreement. I’m tired of keeping everyone at arms distance. I’m tired of living behind these walls.  It gets lonely, as you already know, Me.

So as an end to our twenty-four-year-long-friendship, I’m creating a new pact. I vow to never live by your standards again, Me. I vow to live life based on God’s standards and fully commit myself to Him. I vow to allow Him inside my walls so He can help me tear them down.

Goodbye, Me. I hope to never see you again.


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