As I started writing this blog, I envisioned it would have many quotes from the late 1800’s of the feminist movement and how it originally started. I envisioned tying in a decline in chivalry due to an uprise in feminism. I was even going to approach the infamous questions – is chivalry dead? And can chivalry and feminism co-exist? But after I started praying, God lead me in another direction. Instead of taking an approach that might cause an uproar among some women, He has lead me to answer the question – why do most women think chivalry is dead?
Obviously this is all my opinion (after all, this is a blog), but my opinions are spirit-led. First, I’d like to address how women came into existence. If you believe in the Biblical account of creationism, you believe woman was created by a man’s rib (Genesis 2:21-22 — “So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man”). Women are not meant to be the same as men; if they were meant to be the same, God would’ve created woman out of dust the same way He created Adam (the first man). We’re meant to be different. Men and women are both equal as far as being human beings, but we’re very different species and should learn to be treated as such.
Women, listen up. It’s okay to let a man spoil you. It’s okay to let a man pay for your dinner. It’s okay if he wants to open the door for you and walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street. Allowing him to do so doesn’t make you a weak female. In fact, I believe it makes you stronger. Knowing that you allow yourself to be pampered by a man shows a great deal of confidence about you. It says, “hey, I know who I am and I know what I want.” Allowing a man to be a gentleman is a great confidence booster for him as well. Make him happy and he’ll make you happy. It’s a win-win situation really.
**Just a little side note here: I believe women should all learn to be pampered, but some like it more than others (and some like it less). I’m not saying it’s necessary all women lay around and let the men in their lives do all the work. But think about this thought – what if women started allowing men to be gentlemen (the REAL definition of a gentleman, not this 21st century idea that gentlemen are men who look a certain way and don’t have to act a certain way)? What if women quit trying to wear the pants in the relationship, and instead allow their significant other to take the lead role? If you like having men pull your chair out for you before sitting at the table, then you make sure he does that. If you simply like for men to open doors for you, allow them to (and don’t forget to thank him)! If you don’t like men waiting on you and treating you like a princess, then ask yourself why. Why don’t you want men to be gentlemen? Why don’t you believe all men should act chivalrous?**
What if I told you I believe the feminist movement started off with good intentions, but instead of women trying to gain equality among men, it has turned into women trying to gain independence because they are afraid of being hurt by men? This is a true fact in my own life. I find I always do the pursuing when it comes to men. I’m the one having to push for a date. I’m the one always trying to communicate. I’m the one forcing him to want to spend time with me. I’ll admit that I believe subconsciously this is because I’m afraid if he does the pursuing, he has the power to leave me. He has the upper hand. At least if I’m pursuing him, I can leave him at any time and not feel like I’ve been abandoned and hurt. I believe the lie that I’m the one walking away without being hurt. I believe the lie I’m not worth being pursued.
Women need to learn their worth. Women are most definitely worth being pursued. I suppose I believe I’m not good enough for chivalry. I’m not worth having a man pursue me. I’m not worth having a man buy me dinner. I’m not worth a man opening the car door for me. I’m not worth going on dates to fancy dinners. Women: If we start to believe we’re worth chivalry, then maybe we’ll see more chivalrous acts. If men don’t need to be chivalrous to get a girl, then I believe (most) men won’t be chivalrous. If he doesn’t need to pursue a girl, then why even try? She’s going to stick around with or without the chivalrous acts.
I believe women have dismissed chivalry as existing in society today because they don’t realize God’s pursuit after them.
About three years ago, I was being pursued by a wonderful man. He loved the Lord and seemed to be really into me. He was chivalrous, admirable, attractive, and hilarious. We got along so well together. I admired his relentless pursuit to prove to me that I was worth something. He knew of my past and knew what baggage I carried, and still, he chose to pursue me. Because I didn’t realize my worth, I did everything in my power to cause a divide between us. I didn’t want him to end up hurting me and leaving like everyone else did. I didn’t want him to pursue me. I wanted what I was familiar with. I knew everything to know about guys who only wanted sex. I knew everything about guys that were self-centered and could care less about me. But this particular guy… I couldn’t figure him out. Why would a guy like him want to be with a girl like me? That question ran through my mind daily. In the midst of this great man pursuing me, I ran back to the arms of a man that didn’t care about me at all. After running back to what was familiar, I realized that I believed the lie I didn’t deserve being pursued.
But like every mistake I’ve made, God showed me a revelation through the entire situation.
God used that man to show me how much God is pursuing me. That particular guy didn’t want me for sex. He never tried to pull a move on me. He never wanted to get me alone to try and make me vulnerable. He wanted to protect me in every situation. He looked out for my well-being. He cherished our time together and getting to know each other. Who else does that sound like?
Ladies, God is pursuing us. He loves us so much that He can’t stop thinking about us (‘Lord, what are human beings that you care for them, mere mortals that you think of them?’ Psalm 144:3). If He didn’t want to take part in our lives, He didn’t have to send Jesus to die for us. What other God steps down from His throne to pursue us and prove to us His love?
He craves for us to spend time with Him every day. He longs for us to cry out to Him and spill our guts. If you want to cry to God, cry! If you want to be angry at God, voice it to Him! He wants to hear you confess all the emotions you’re feeling. Like the guy in my past did, God wants to protect us and look out for our well-being. He wants to hear your heart and wants to tell you He loves you. God simply wants us.
God is on a relentless pursuit after your heart. You’re worthy of being pursued – not only by men, but by God. If you believe chivalry is dead, then start believing you’re worth being pursued and you’ll start seeing chivalry rise from the dead. Just like God pursues us, we should allow men to mimic that pursuit. The culprit for women believing chivalry is dead is women themselves. I believe once women realize they’re worth being pursued, they won’t only see a difference in how men treat them, they’ll also start to see how God views them – resulting in women finding their identity in Christ, not in men.