About a month ago I found myself at a very difficult crossroads. I had to decide if I was going to take the easy road with a rough ending, or the hard road with a wonderful ending. Sounds simple which road to take, right? Think of it this way – you’re at a party and spot a big piece of double layered chocolate cake. You can make one of two choices: 1) scoff down a big piece (maybe even two) of the cake, or 2) don’t eat any at all. With one choice, you would give into easy temptation and gain a possible stomach ache or weight gain later on. While it may be tough to resist the temptation, with the other choice you gain the satisfaction of knowing you didn’t give into temptation and did your body a favor for later.
My choice was similar to this. However, instead of making a choice that would cause temporary happiness and long term sorrow, I decided I would take the rough, bumpy, sometimes painful road, in exchange for a beautiful outcome. I decided while taking this journey I would give my everything to God. No more giving him just part of me. No more saying God you can have control of my future, friends, diet, and family, but you can’t have control of my relationships (a common thing we christian females say). I started putting my full trust in God.
With this choice has come a few rough patches. One being that I started feeling very lonely. I started to daydream about my wedding day and dwell on who my husband would be (something I don’t do very often). I immediately turned to God and admitted I needed to learn to have control of my mind. I needed to be content with where I was in life. I needed help. I pleaded with God that he would make it so I could fall in love with him as if he were my spouse. Right then, God revealed to me a number of things.
1. I had to start living as if I were going to be single for the rest of my life. I couldn’t dwell on a husband or I’d always come up feeling empty (or lonely). God wants us to dwell on him first so he can then send us our spouse.
2. Since I had finally given my everything to God, he helped eliminate remaining distractions. I was rocking Isaac to sleep one night and it was clear as day, “Now you can love Me fully.” It gave me goosebumps. He brought back to my mind when I so desperately called out saying I wanted to be in love with Him. With no more distractions in my life, I could love God fully with my everything.
Instead of sitting around moping about how I’m single, or instead of daydreaming of my wedding day (that could possibly not even happen), I could fill that emptiness with a loving relationship with Christ.
Since that day, I’ve made sure to spend time daily in the Word and talking to God (no more missing days or just doing it on my free time). Life really couldn’t be any better. I no longer look upon the areas in my life that I was struggling with as an obstacle impossible to overcome, but a growing tool God is using to form me into His beautiful bride.
Something I learned out of that whole situation was something I wish everyone would understand – Christians and non believers. Christians refer to having a relationship with Christ often. However, a relationship isn’t just talking to the other person whenever you feel like it. When you’re married, you have to spend time with your spouse in order to grow as a couple. We as Christians have to do the same. If we want to grow as a Christian, we have to spend time with our Savior. However, it shouldn’t be something we feel like we’re forced to do. When you’re married or dating someone, do you want to spend every second together getting to know each other better? Of course! So it should be with your relationship with Christ! You should CRAVE that relationship. I get that it’s hard sometimes because God isn’t a physical being like a spouse would be. Something I had to pray was that God would help create a desire in my heart to spend more time with Him. As long as you have the desire, God will meet your needs.
“Yet give attention to your servant’s prayer and his plea for mercy, Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in your presence this day.”
-1 Kings 8:28