Take-out Tuesday – Unable to say no

I hope your Monday’s went well yesterday!

For today’s Take-out Tuesday, I want to be completely transparent.

Some will read this and think I’m too open.  Others may give me a hi-five.  Either way, it doesn’t make a difference if no one is moved by the words I write.  I pray that this will be a testimony to someone.

I was raised in a Christian home my entire life, plus I attended a Christian high school.   At times it pestered me as a child, but I look back now and I’m so grateful.  If I had the choice to pick the kind of family I’d want to be raised in, it would be the same one.  Hands down.

Being raised in a Christian atmosphere my entire life entitles being around all different ‘types’ of Christians.  I discovered three different  of these ‘types’ of Christians growing up.  The first group would be labeled the real-deal group.  This group is full of ‘real’ Christians that follow the teachings of the bible and face life with Jesus as their counselor.  The second group would be labeled hippobippos, meaning they say they’re a Christian, however their actions don’t show it which results to being labeled a hypocrite.  The last group would be labeled comatose Christians.  Comatose means ‘unconscious’.  When combined with the word christian, it means an unconscious Christ follower.  These people are the one’s who know all about the bible and christian world, go through the motions, and follow all the beliefs in their heads, however, it’s never a heart connection.

I would be grouped with comatose christians.

I was always the one who went through the motions saying I was a Christian and trying to do the right thing.  But it was always just in my head.  I never grasped who God was and whether or not I fully believed He existed, therefore I struggled with things considered sinful many times.  Those choices led me down a long path of decisions that left an empty void in my heart.

Let me tell you a story.

I was dating a guy that I wanted to do anything for to show that people cared about him.  I wanted to love him into Christianity.  It’s like what my old youth pastor used to tell us.  If there’s one person standing on a chair and one on the floor, it’s much easier for the person on the floor to pull the person on the chair down.  It’s harder to pull the person on the floor up.  However, I thought that by sticking by his side, he would notice there’s a difference in me that he would be attracted to; that difference being Jesus.  I was so naive.  So foolish.

Instead of me helping him and making a difference in his life in the name of Christianity, he made a difference in mine.

I ended up loosing my virginity to this boy which led me down a long path of getting hurt over and over and over again.  I tried finding substance in things of the world to fill my void.  I wanted anything or anyone to satisfy my hunger of feeling alone.  I continued down this same path for years because I was unable to say no to sin.

I was eventually led to getting pregnant and miscarrying, depression, loneliness, confusion, sickness, poor grades, and losing trust from friends and family.

I felt like I betrayed God to the point of no return.  I felt I couldn’t go back to Him.  I felt like there was no hope.

But that’s the beauty of it.  God is always there with open arms just waiting for us to repent and go back to Him.  He doesn’t hold grudges over us, nor does he stay angry.  He’s always ready to forgive us.

There’s a verse in 1 John 1:9-10 that says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. ”

It wasn’t until recently that my eyes were opened to see God for who He is.  I finally made a head connection a heart connection.  It was then that my void was filled.

Yes, I still struggle with sinful things of the world.  I still have temptation thrown my way.  It’s like what Joyce Meyer said, “We all face temptation, it’s an unavoidable part of life. The question is not, “Will you be tempted?” The question is, “When you’re tempted, will you be ready?”

Why am I writing this?  Because I know so many young people who are hurting because they’re trying to fill their void with relationships.  They’re trying to fill their void with sexual activity, constant drinking and other substance abuses.

If only those three groups of Christians would unite to be ONE group of real, sold out believers, then those hurting people would know the truth.  Could you imagine what this world would be like if every person who claimed to be a Christian acted like one, spoke like one, and actually was one?  This world would never be the same.

Have any input on today’s Take-out Tuesday?  Need someone to talk to? Email me at taylorcedarleaf@gmail.com

xoxo, T

One response to “Take-out Tuesday – Unable to say no

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